Mind your Manners

I wanted to stop by before bed tonight and tell you a little tale. This morning before the sun had risen there I stood waiting, being whipped by the icy icy wind that was still lingering at 5am having danced with the rain all night for a train to come; to start my day. With the train in sight, (only five minutes late today) like by some magnetic force everyone gravitated towards the shiny yellow door in hope of salvation. In the mixed bunch surrounding me, there was my brother (by no means a morning person), an elderly lady ready for her days excursion, a middle aged lady who though pretty in the face exemplified normalcy, a few regular businessmen/commuters, a traveler headed to the airport I assume and a dapper older gentleman who honestly was dressed like James Bond and made me think his daily plan involved conquering the world and rondevouing with equally glamorous lady folk before sipping martinis late this afternoon. I find myself in this position at least five days weekly and have done so for going on seven years now, but each morning I am still taken aback by peoples manners or lack thereof. By no means do I expect doors to be opened for me or rose petals to be strewn at my feet like in Coming to America (though it would be a luxurious touch) but I whole heatedly believe in common courtesy, in reciprocity and in equality, let me explain.

Letting those trying to exit the train exit before boarding is understood common courtesy. As is holding the door open for those following behind you. By no means am I suggesting you become the carriage bell boy but holding the door ajar until the person behind you is holding in the door is just common sense; otherwise the door will smack them in the face (this is a far from pleasant experience). As is sitting on the inside seat to leave that adjacent to you free for another passenger. I find it incredibly rude when someone refutes to let a stranger sit next to them, making them stand so that their magazines or wool can rest comfortably.

Reciprocity is simply returning the favor of good deed. Equality however is where this mornings tale fits in. Here we were doors slowly opening, they like us seemingly yet to have completely woken and as we go to board one of the lovely young business men opens the door and gestures for the surrounding lady folk to enter first. What a wonderful gesture. As it would be he was not gesturing for the ladies to go first so much as the young, blond, admittedly enviably gorgeous girl standing next to me. She smiled went first and was closely followed by this young man who in the process nearly knocked the elderly lady over twice (at both doors). Here I was thinking how wonderfully selfless this man was when really his motives were completely selfish/hormonal. It got me thinking, do we as individuals do anything for those other than ourselves?

Earlier last month I attended a workshop run by Oxfam called ‘From sitting on the couch, to changing the world.’ The first thing we were asked having gotten our kindergarten-esque name tags was why we were here. Generic answers abound; to help, to make a difference aka, cause it’s the right thing to do, makes me look like an active citizen and will give extra brownie points on my resume. Even cloaked with these allegorical answers truth be told we were all there to help others but better ourselves in the process.

I’d like to think that helping others and selflessness provides us motivation but realistically I think everything we do is rooted in bettering ourselves. I realize this might seem like a really really basic realisation but it was one that caught me a little off guard.

So from today, in setting my goals and penning my to-do lists I am going to take a broader focus and involve those around me and encourage everyone to remember smiling at a stranger or opening a door doesn’t cost anything and will in fact make someones day.

I know its a little whiny but I hope everyone has a wonderful week! xx